Amazon

Of Horses...

Tue, 10 Mar 2009 02:56:09 GMT

My shoes are muddy and the soles are packed with sawdust and other things that aren't sawdust. I've got dust crusted in my nose and horsehair all over my pants.

And I couldn't be happier.

The minute I put a brush to a horse tonight, I knew THIS was what I was missing.

All in all, had a great night. Saw some really nice horses, and got to mess with a 2 week old litter of kittens with their mom and guarded yet playful "aunt", and talk with some very friendly, smart horsewomen. The invite for me to come out is always open.

That is awesome. :)

Working Out, Horses

Mon, 09 Mar 2009 22:02:31 GMT

Man oh man, I need to think of a way to think of better titles for my blogs!
:)

That said I'm back into staying in shape. I started last Thursday with 20 minutes of walking and will walk 20 minutes, 3 days a week till I feel that its too easy(which should be more than a week or 2...I'm REALLY out of shape!) Then I'll gradually up it from there. The cool thing about walking is that I have a walking buddy. He doesn't walk with me, but we call each to keep one another accountable. I met him at a personal improvement workshop I attended this past weekend. Suffice to say, I'm happy and even MORE motivated that I have someone to help me with this. There's only so many times I can get asked "When are you due?" before I just snap. :)

I now am a member of the Arabian Horse Association and the Indiana Half Arabian Horse Club. Tonight I'm going to the President of the Indiana club's barn to visit with her and maybe mess with some of her horses? I thought I remember her saying something like that. Really, it'll just be good to be around them again. I'll have a horse again someday, but for now, my focus is on other stuff like finding a job and planning my wedding.

Interview tommorow!!!

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 01:57:43 GMT

I have an interview tommorrow morning! It's a receptionist's position at a car dealership. Wish me luck!

Let's blog again, like we did last summer...

Wed, 18 Feb 2009 14:19:22 GMT

Or at least it seems that long!

So, whats new in the world of Carrie? Hmm....

-If you didn't already know, I'm engaged! We've set the date of October 24th of this year, and time really is flying by.

-I'm currently looking for work(and so is the soon to be hubby). Both of us are really stressed out right now, as we have rent and bills due fairly soon.

-I saw what had to have been one of the most disturbing accidents in my life on 465-S on the east side of Indianapolis yesterday evening. It's not that the accident was huge, as I only saw 1 semi truck and trailer, but it was disturbing in that as we drove by the scene, we saw a bloody, half naked, mangled and obviously dead body lying less than 20 ft away from our car. It took me WAY off guard, to the point where I had to roll down the window, because I was SURE I was going to get sick. I've seen pictures of stuff like this, and movies. Pictures and movies in no way do "justice" to seeing something like this in person. Along side the road about 50 ft away from the body was a woman, hunched over, being comforted by a police officer. Ron said a prayer for those involved and we kept on towards our destination.

-That said, I've started making scarves and hats! It's fun! Or...at least I enjoy it! I've not gotten terribly advanced yet, but seem to be getting a good handle on it, and will be posting pics of articles I've made at some point.

Hmmm...I'm sure there is more, but I can't think of anything right now.

Love and Hugs to all!
Carrie "The Amazon" :P

The horse drama...

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 23:36:32 GMT

I've been dealing with the "horse drama" for 3 months now.

To bring anyone up to speed on what the horse drama originally was, here goes....

I had a horse named Captain, and because of money, I couldn't afford him anymore, so I had to find him a new home in mid July. I rehomed him and much to my surprise, found out too late that his new owners were too green to have a yearling like him. I worked with the new owners on some horsemanship and basic handling and had much success. When school started up in August, I had made plans to come out to my horses new home for spot checkups about once a week, and told his new owners that I'd call to make sure they'd be there.

I've never gotten a hold of his new owners. I've tried calling them once or twice a week since mid August, with a week or so slipping by here and there. I've been unable to get a hold of them via email as well. Then, somewhere about 2 months ago, I saw an ad for Captain's owners other horse on the same website I'd originally advertised Captain. A friend of mine has been able to get a hold of them, and in doing so, relayed to me some very discouraging information about him.

Just today I tried calling them again, this time disguising my number. On the second ring someone picked up the phone, but all I heard was dead air on the other end. Or, at least I thought I heard dead air. I then called again, unblocking my number so they could see who was calling and got the same outcome.

I have no idea why these people won't, or refuse to get in touch with me. We've always had a good working relationship, and it hurts me that I have no idea whats going on with "my" horse. Technically, he still is my horse, because I have the paperwork to get him registered, that was filled out by the breeder, and with my name as having purchased him, or at least having him registered in my name. His new owners don't have anything like that, nor did they want the paperwork when I gave him to them.

Basically, what I'd like to see happen is to get a hold of his new owners, somehow, and tell them I'd like to help them out with the horses, and somehow find out just why I wasn't able to get a hold of them. I'm not sure I'll ever get closure on this, and that makes me heartsick. I feel like I failed Captain. It was even suggested that I make a trip to his new owners place, unannounced, to see if they still have him, but I don't know that it would be wise. Even with a witness or two. Ron is against it. So I guess all I can do is someday come to terms with this, and learn from it. Doesn't really help how I'm feeling now though, but trying to move on.

A Year of Growth: My first year in Indianapolis

Wed, 23 Jan 2008 23:06:42 GMT

Towards the end of 2006, I made the desicion to change my life(hopefully for the better) and It's been a year full of tons of trials, and fear of falling flat on my face and heading back to Illinois. The move was made possible by a good friend, Maurice Broaddus, www.mauricebroaddus.com and of whom can be found here on LJ. mauricebroaddus. While I can say that I'm not exactly where I want to be, I'm working towards it, and both scared and nervous to see just where my life is headed in 2008.

Thanks Angie!

Tue, 20 Nov 2007 02:36:36 GMT

You tramp you! *winkwink*

Lets101 - Free Online Dating

A Tail of 2 Stables

Sat, 10 Nov 2007 00:19:45 GMT

Yeah, i know, that title way cheesy. ;)
I am looking for a barn that is closer to where I'm living on the west side. The barn I currently have my horse at now is on the southeast side and takes anywhere from about 35 to 45 minutes to get there, depending on traffic. I also give lessons(which are stopping for the winter at the end of January), and feed 5 days a week, either morning or night., for exchange to keep my horse there. The place is really nice, has an indoor arena, but the only thing is that its not very busy, and there are not horses around my horses age.
Ideally I'd like to find a place closer, and thought i had the opportunity in a place I visited yesterday.
So I'd heard of this other place that was willing to work out a deal with me giving lessons and getting to have my horse at the place. That AND I'd be making money giving lessons AND possible do some training on the side. It takes about half an hour to get there. Sure, its still longer than I would like(ideally a max of 15 minutes), but it sounded really good, and I'd spend about 45 minutes talking with the lady earlier in the week, and felt pretty comfortable telling my current barn that I may be moving my horse in a couple months, if I didn't hate the place. Boy, am I really glad I added that last part.

The place sounded good.

But dear, sweet Jeebus, it was not good. It really, really was not good.

When I was on the phone with the lady earlier in the week, she mentioned she had a lot of animals, and exotic. An emu, camel, wolves, a zebra, many, many exotic birds, alpacas, and a shit ton of horses, ponies, miniature horses, and donkeys. I was excited. If anything it was to see the exotics, up close, and not far behind the bars of a zoo.

The first thing I noticed when we pulled up(I'd brought my boyfriend Ron, for moral support), was that there was a lot of ponies. Then the second thing was that there were 2 horses tied to a hitching post, which was way too low and horses tied WAY too loose. Nothing happened to either horse, but it made me cringe....and want to fix it immediately.

The second thing was the sheer amount of animals AND the conditions that they are in. Tons of creepy, draping cobwebs in the stalls and everything seemed in disarray. And it wasn't that they hadn't gotten around to it, some of these animals had been this way for what looked like years. There was crap(both junk and other wise) littering the barn and many of the animals were standing in small cages, sleeping on piles of smooshed down feces, with no fresh water (I understand if some of them don't have food in front of them all the time...some animals don't need to have it, or should have it). And the pens, fences and gates in the barns!!! Some of the pens indoors were tiny and barely gave the animals enough room to turn around, the fences were a majority of barb wire or skeezy looking wood, and the gates......... a lot of them them were off the hinges and really had to be manhandled to get them open.

And the person that ran this place said they did rescue work.

From what? This place needs a team of people and equipment(gawd, donated used to cripes sake) for at least a week solid for it to be up to what I would considered livable. I'm really feeling at odds to just turn this place in, but another part of me wants to try and help too. I'm not quite sure as of right now what I'm going to do, but I can say for sure that my horse will not be boarded there.

Oh, don't get me wrong...

Mon, 22 Oct 2007 04:56:24 GMT

I like the physical work of cleaning stalls and feeding horses(I do it along with giving lessons in exchange for board for my horse), but man....sometimes I wish I just had the money to board so I didn't have to worry about doing any of it. There are like 3 or 4 people that clean stalls and feed horses and today we all got a mass email stating a couple ways to improve cleaning stalls. Honestly, I haven't done my best in cleaning stalls. I can. I know how to do it well, but part of me doesn't want to do it at all. The other part of me, however, is grateful for this opportunity to have a horse and have board paid for. It really isn't that much work, and part of me has this paranoid thought that I'm just going to be asked to leave. The tone of that email was very open and clear, I just haven't really felt like cleaning stalls. I guess though, I'll just have to buck up and spend a little more time with the stalls, because I don't have the money to pay for board outright, nor do I know of anyone else who might let me do something like this. So yeah, I press on.

I have a job interview tomorrow, and if I get it, it will most likely affect my feeding/lessons/stall cleaning, something i already discussed with the barn owner.

Prayers/positive vibes are needed especially. :)

Movie lovers lament

Sat, 20 Oct 2007 14:44:57 GMT

Alrighty, so funding has gotten down to the nitty gritty, and while I do have a couple of leads for some jobs(yeah, I'm jobless as of 10/20), I'm taking some of my "don't want to sell unless I have no other choice" movies and making a trip to Half Price Books.

I will be shitty for the next couple days, but if it buys me gas for a while, I suppose, right now it'll be worth it.

*sigh*

Prayers/positive vibes needed for the job search.

Of horses and hailstorms

Thu, 18 Oct 2007 01:06:38 GMT

It's happened again!

After being horseless for a mere 4 years, I'm a proud owner..again. :) He is a just about 4 month old chestnut half Arabian/National Show Horse colt named Captain.

A friend of mine bought me a horse for my birthday(November 5th). I know what you might be thinking, "Carrie, horses cost money!". Oh...I know this. Or maybe you could be asking yourself just what "kind" of "friend" would buy me a horse?....and not think that there might be something going on! LOL Well, I'm very fortunate to know someone who is very, very well off and they retained a business interest in my horse. All that really means is while I own the horse, my friend pays for most all the expenses, and gets to come out to the barn where he is boarded and see him from time to time. It also means that the show fees are paid when that time comes(WHOOPEEE!!)

As far as owning horses for me goes, when I did own before, I had what I would consider very little "nice" clothes or gadgets compared to my sister(who didn't have horses) is evident of that. It still is, in fact. My good outfit equals a Serenity t-shirt and jeans with some fake rhinestone accents and knock off Converse All Stars tell the tell the tale pretty well. I knew that if I had horses, something would have to give, and I was fine with that, but when I became horseless after going to college, the money didn't go to a better waredrobe, it went to school, of which I was perfectly content. :)

Speaking of Serenity and horses, one of the things I have to do for my horse is get him registered in the next 2 months or the price to get him registered goes up considerably. The name the people wanted to register him under(and what I saw him advertised on their website) was KCF Perfect Shot. The KFC stands for Krystal and Chris Fiandt, the breeders. I dunno about that name really, its...OK, and it works in the his sire's name is Perfect Storm and his dam's name is Shot of Gold, so thats cool, but I have the opportunity to name him whatever I want! I thought about keeping the KCF and naming him either KCF Malcolm Reynolds or KCF Captain Reynolds or possibly KCF Serenitys Captain(no punctuation allowed)....but I'm not sure...I'll have to think on that, and maybe take some polls to help me make up my mind.

_____

So...the hailstorms...

As I was leaving the barn today, I decided to call the barn owner just in case she wanted me to do anything before I left(she'd called earlier on asking if I could feed because she had to work late), and as luck would have it, she asked me to bring the horses in because it was supposed to hail. After that was done and Ron(my bf) and I left the barn, it started to rain. Just as we'd gotten back on the highway it let loose and hailed. At one point we were going no faster than 10 mph and it finally lets up before we got off the highway. While we are exiting the highway, we notice that the offramp is backed up and there are flashing lights and 2 accidents up ahead. Once we finally get off the ramp, we notice another accident. WTF? It must be the change in scenery for me(I'm from rural central IL) but 3 accidents within half a mile is something notable. Ron was just annoyed(he'd grown up in and around the city and suburbs)
Then when we were about to turn into home we noticed yet another accident. And we'd only driven 3 miles from the exit. Yikes!

I've never been in a serious accident, but one of the ones off the exit was horrible. We actually had to drive through a narrow opening between the cars involved and got a very, very good closeup of the cars. Accidents happen everyday around here, but I guess you'll have that when living in or near a city. I'm just not quite "used" to it yet. But I'm not sure I ever will.

----

More pics of baby horse soon! :) YAY!!!

And now for something completely different...

Tue, 18 Sep 2007 18:06:21 GMT

Ever go through a really shitty situation and then see someone else headed down that path, looking like they may head toward that same curve you took, and you just wanna grab them by the shoulders, shake em hard and scream, "NO!!!! Turn around and RUN the f**k the other way!!! I've been where you are!, and I'm saving you the heartache and the trainwreck!"...........

But can't?

You can't, as in, its not your business, no matter how much it irks you, and not that you "can't" as in you don't have phonenumbers and email addresses.......

Ok, maybe that person WON'T take the same curve, or maybe they'll head toward another curve, possibly towards "saftey", or to some other end of unknown. Sure, their "big girls or boys", and you shouldn't have anything to worry about. IMO, No one really knows, but man, you try and tell yourself that just because seeing a person NOT take the curve of a bad mistake that it won't end happily, and you'll be arguing with yourself till.....well, it'll be an argument, for sure.

I need a drink. :)

Aw crap...

Wed, 05 Sep 2007 14:40:57 GMT

That's pretty much been my phrase for the last 12 hours.

Last night I realized my claddaugh ring was missing. I'd taken it off and set it on the bathroom sink(it did NOT go down the drain) Lemme describe to you my bathroom layout. My "bathroom" has a toilet and a tub. Outside the bathroom I have a huge countertop with a big mirror and sink. So having that said, after I set my ring on the countertop, I went in to do my business, forgot about the ring...brrr duh!, and didn't realise it till later. I'm 100% certain that one of my cats found my ring an irresistable play toy and batted it around before losing interest.  I really haven't looked for it that much. I love that ring, but yeah, lazy....

After that, I ended up falling asleep on the couch. It's been hard for me to get to sleep the last couple nights, and when I awoke at 6:30 this morning, I should have just stayed awake. My alarm was set for 7, AM, but it never went off. I'm not sure why, but I know that I leave for work around 8:15(work is at 9) and I awoke just about 8:50 this morning. I called the temp to hire place that I am technically working for, for the next 4 months(and hopefully will still be working for) and told them what was up. Then I called and told my place of employment what was going on. They didn't seem upset or nonchalant. I guess thats OK, because I certainly could have shit a brick....
OH! but thats not all, I realised that before I needed to leave this morning, that I had to pay rent today. I drive over to the office, and am told that the last bill received by the complex stated that I hadn't transferred the units bill over to my name. Aww crap, I said.  I'd been meaning to do that, honest. (No, really)
The bill was a shock to me, but thankfully I'll have a bit of time before I need to pay it, so thats not bad.
I'm taking half an hour for lunch today and tommorow, to make up for the time I lost. I'm supposed to work backup for the carriage company this weekend.  Working backup means you go in for a couple hours to help others harness and hitch the horses, then if someone calls in, you end up working. If someone doesn't go in, you end up with $20 for a couple hours work. Part of me hopes NO ONE calls in, but in the end its more money for me. So thats a plus.
Both tommorow and Friday are casual days. Friday usually is anyway, but tommorow is because of the first day of football season for the Colts. And me without a jersey or shirt. The only football type clothing I own is a Bears hoodie.....*snicker*

Well, I am from Illinois.

OK, heres to the day looking better, and causual days to come. :)

Housewarming

Sun, 02 Sep 2007 19:15:37 GMT

I had my housewarming party yesterday and my parents came from Illinois. It was good.
However, realized just how much I missed them, and how much I really appreciate them. Maybe someday when I get more established, I can visit for a weekend, but for now, that visit really meant a lot.
I had a houseful!!!! Much good food was brought and eaten, and a lot of it was left(YAY!)
Now as for money spending in the next couple weeks, its gonna go to rent, bills and whatnot, but then theres a convention in Columbus, Ohio, end of the month, that I'm gonna try like hell to go to. Plus, a friend of mine that I haven't seen in nearly 3 years lives in Columbus, and only 15 minutes away from the con! So yeah....plans are in the works for that one. Last con of the year for me.
Next year for cons, however....LOL Busy, Busy. :P

Art for Sale! My loss is DEFINATELY your gain!

Thu, 16 Aug 2007 04:44:14 GMT

Originals for sale!

Due to my current financial situation, I have decided to sell many of my original pieces. Check out www.carrierapp.com
I also have several pieces that are not on my website, but could scan them in if you are interested in seeing what else I have availible.

A lot of these will go at far lower than market value, so be sure to check out it out and contact me!!!

Sooo Starbucks Doubleshot Expresso and Cream....

Sat, 11 Aug 2007 08:28:00 GMT

Probably shouldn't be drank after you've gotten off work at 2:30....am.

I'm still WIDE awake! :P

Looking for another job. I love my carriage driving job, but the hours are insane, and occasionally sporadic. I need something that i can count on, ya know? (and if your looking for an artist...have a look see here (www.carrierapp.com))

Gen*Con is next week, and I think I may just be crazy enough to check into working it. If not, Lucien and John and Becca Hay will be in town for it....and I'd much rather spend some time with them, then spend $25+ dollars to wander around and watch uber nerds play with themselves...er....I mean play with each other....OH crap. Well, you know. :)

My shoulder has been giving me a lot of trouble lately, and the doctor thinks its either,

a) bursitis
b) tendonitis
c) arthitis

or a combination of some of the above.

One doctor prescribed Vicodin and heat compresses. Another said no Vic and ibuprofen.... It's still not any better, and only time can tell.

As far as movies go, I'm really looking forward to Stardust. I'm soo behind on whats out or coming out.

OK, shoulder flaring back up again...must go take drugs. :)

Latah!

1st apartment!!!

Mon, 23 Jul 2007 19:53:41 GMT

As of this past Friday, I now have my own place! I'm terrified and scared, but I had a feeling of knowing that this is home right away. Sure there'll be bills,(and yeah, I'm skint and don't have a lot to eat), but I look forward to this new chapter in my life.

Tue, 19 Jun 2007 15:11:30 GMT

Yesterday night at work one of the horse dropped. Not like died dropped, but collapsed due to suspected colic. The more dramatic aspect of this was that it happened at a carriage stand outside Steak 'n Shake downtown. I wasn't there to actually see it happen, but talked with the driver about 10 minutes before it actually did. Were not sure just how things are gonna play out, but we think that he'll be ok. I really hope he is, because I've seen this kind of thing happen before, then a week later the horse colics again and doesn't pull through. Sooo, any and all prayers and positive vibes are needed for this guy. He's put in many years as a terrific carriage horse and still has a lot of years ahead of him.

So I was thinking today, after reading something that made me cringe a little bit....

I'm not quite over my feelings of hurt yet.

This has nothing to do with my current relationship, but lingering feelings that are brought up here and there from another, hurting a little less as time goes by, but still having a pretty good "ouch" factor. Looking back on the last year I've had quite a roller coaster ride of self discovery and emotions. Sometimes I feel so ahead of the game, other days I look back and think if I said anything positive at all that day...or did I just complain about everything? It's helped me in many ways, and while most anyone would have chosen a different set of less confusing events on the road to the same destination, I think that I'm able to make the most of it. I'll try to use it to grow, even if it takes me a long time. I'll still grow if I really put my mind to it. *grin*

And now I bring you to the 3rd and final installment of "Pimp my friend"

-------
--------

It's hittin the streets soon...limited to 100 copies...get it while it's hot!

BLOOD COVEN

http://deadletterpress.com/Site/BLOODCOVEN-675.html

On the filthy streets of Victorian London’s East End, a centuries-old evil is amassing its forces. Only one man stands in its way: a legendary vampire killer called The Catcher. He’s been trained from childhood by a secret society within The Holy Church. He’s fast, efficient and totally professional. He’s also totally on his own … working undercover in the darkest quarter of the city … outside the law. Can he succeed where those before him have failed? Not even he knows for sure.

BLOOD COVEN The new vampire novella by Christopher Fulbright and Angeline Hawkes

Limited to 100 copies. Art by Allen Koszowski

BLOOD COVEN arrives in three weeks, but you can save $2 per copy by ordering now. Advance orders BLOOD COVEN. But hurry. Offer ends June 6, 2007.

A great weekend and day 2 of the friend pimping :P

Mon, 21 May 2007 22:20:05 GMT

This weekend was my first weekend off in nearly 2 weeks so I decided to spend it with my bf, Ron. He surpized me with a Claddaugh ring, and we went to lunch at a nice Italian place, Bucca di Beppo. Man oh man are the portions HUUUUGE! Definately a place to revisit. Heading back into this week, I have both jobs every day except for Friday(in which the boss is trying to get me to come in to work) I REALLY need to money to save up for bills and a place of my own, plus the tips are hella good on Fridays(usually) and the weekends, so the temptation to go just a bit insane is pretty high. :P I'm discussing it with my boss tommorow though, we'll see.

And now, take a gander at a friends newest collaboration!

---------

It's hittin the streets soon...limited to 100 copies...get it while it's hot!

BLOOD COVEN

http://deadletterpress.com/Site/BLOODCOVEN-675.html

On the filthy streets of Victorian London’s East End, a centuries-old evil is amassing its forces. Only one man stands in its way: a legendary vampire killer called The Catcher. He’s been trained from childhood by a secret society within The Holy Church. He’s fast, efficient and totally professional. He’s also totally on his own … working undercover in the darkest quarter of the city … outside the law. Can he succeed where those before him have failed? Not even he knows for sure.

BLOOD COVEN The new vampire novella by Christopher Fulbright and Angeline Hawkes

Limited to 100 copies. Art by Allen Koszowski

BLOOD COVEN arrives in three weeks, but you can save $2 per copy by ordering now. Advance orders BLOOD COVEN. But hurry. Offer ends June 6, 2007.

Pimpin' for a friend

Thu, 17 May 2007 18:19:13 GMT

I can't wait to order this. Sounds like great readin'.
----------------------------------------------------------

It's hittin the streets soon...limited to 100 copies...get it while it's hot!

BLOOD COVEN

http://deadletterpress.com/Site/BLOODCOVEN-675.html

On the filthy streets of Victorian London’s East End, a centuries-old evil is amassing its forces.

Only one man stands in its way: a legendary vampire killer called The Catcher.

He’s been trained from childhood by a secret society within The Holy Church. He’s fast, efficient and totally professional. He’s also totally on his own … working undercover in the darkest quarter of the city … outside the law.

Can he succeed where those before him have failed?

Not even he knows for sure.

BLOOD COVEN

The new vampire novella [chapbook style] by Christopher Fulbright [www.christopherfulbright.com ]and Angeline Hawkes

[www.angelinehawkes.com]

Limited to 100 copies. Art by Allen Koszowski http://shocklines.stores.yahoo.net/allenkoszowski.html

$16.95 plus shipping.

BLOOD COVEN arrives in three weeks, but you can save $2 per copy by ordering now. Advance orders for BLOOD COVEN are only $14.95 plus shipping. But hurry. Offer ends June 6, 2007.

Shipping within USA is $3.00 (total for one copy plus shipping is $17.95)
Shipping to Canada is $5.00 (total for one copy plus shipping is $19.95)
Shipping to the United Kingdom is $9.00 (total for one copy plus shipping is $23.95)

Send PayPal payment to: DeadLetterPress@cox.net

Send check or money order to:

Tom English
PO Box 134
New Kent, VA 23124-0134

Posted at 10:41 am | Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories |

Gotta get a job

Mon, 16 Apr 2007 13:20:29 GMT

OK, so I have 2 part time jobs, but together they're not going to be enough to make what I need to get a place of my own. I have until June 1st to find a place, but I've decided, after much thought that if it doesn't look like I'll be making what I need to make by the end of June, to move back to Illinois, May 5th. While I've been here in Indianapolis, I've had 2 part time jobs9not the same ones i have now), but neither have lasted that long, and believe you me....I've tried to find something full time with a livable wage. Now its coming down to the wire, and I'm scrambling to find as much of ANYTHING as I can. I feel like the stress and strain has increased about twice as much now, and I'm trying to be happy with doing all that I can, even if it results in me having to go back to Illinois again.

I can't find the words to say how MUCH I don't wanna do that. How MUCH I'll feel like a failure, and how depressed(or hell, maybe things will even out and it won't be that bad) I'll get. At least living here I got to see friends a time or 2 a week. I got to go out and experience new and different things. While I do miss the open fields and country roads of where I used to live in Illinois, I'll miss the sheer volume and diversity of goods and services here in Indianapolis. And the people. But it ain't over yet.

So, I need your prayers and/or positive vibes my way.

:)

Making changes

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 20:06:39 GMT

I hope that by posting this, I'm able to help motivate someone else to improve their life through diet and exercise. I've also included my before and after shots for the show I did. They are a big inspiration to me.

I currently weigh 280lbs. I'm currently in a size 20/22 jean, a size XL t-shirt, and hating it. I'm ashamed that I've gotten this heavy, and let the factors of my life drag me down. Some of you reading this may know of the bodybuilding show I did 2 years ago, during my last year of college. Why, in the chaos of college life did I choose to undertake such a regimented activity? I did it because I didn't like the toll my eating habits were taking on my body, and wanted to improve my overall health, and learn ways to keep myself in shape for the rest of my life. I knew that the strict guidelines for food and exercise, modified for each individual, would help me be a better person, and ultimately feel better about myself. I was able to do that, and lose just about 50lbs, and 5 sizes in 8 months. I'm 6'1", and at the time of the show, my weight was 186lbs. I fit into a size 13/14, and was looking gooooood! Previously I was in size 18, and hating it. It was the lightest I've been in years, and quite possibly the best I've felt. Most people just can't keep the show weight and look all year round, and you only look show ready a week or 2 before, and a couple weeks after. Sure, after shows or a season, a person puts on some weight they'd lost, but it's all about cycles and knowing when to hit your peak. It's good for your body to cycle, and can help it to become more fit, because of the building up and breaking down you do while working out. It's breaking down and coming back stronger that helps your body get more and more fit.

Then after the show, life happened. It hit hard, and in addition to the weight I put back on after a person does a show or a show season, I put on a lot of "happy weight". I don't know how much weight I would have put on if I'd just kept working out and eating a sensible "offseason" diet, but damn, I really put on the poundage. Food is and was my comfort. I could rely on food. It was always there when I needed it, and didn't make me feel bad about myself or shifted the blame onto me for its shortcomings and mistakes. I loved the taste of food, and where I'd changed my attitude about food from comfort to fuel before, it'd become my closest friend. I can tell you stories of polishing off a package of Oreos and a 12 pack of soda in 24 hours. It was shameful, especially for a gal that'd done so well the year before.

Right now, I've got bludge now where I didn't have before, and have stretch marks across my belly. I've NEVER had stretch marks across my belly. It is/was a wakeup call. So, after much hemming and hawing, I've decided to really do something about it. I wanna do it for me, to help myself feel better. I'm the kind of person who can plan, plan, plan something like this, but if I don't write it down, its hard to stick with it.
Below I've included my current measurements(weight is above) and what I'll be doing to help improve my life through a better diet and exercise. This will change and get more challenging as a progress, but this is what I plan on doing for at least the next couple weeks.
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Carrie's Plan of Action for weight loss.
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1. Walk at least 30 minutes a day, 6 days a week. If the weather doesn't permit walking outside, go to the mall, and walk for 30 minutes there.
2. Drink at least half a gallon of water per day.
3. Take in 1 gram of protein per pound of body weight per day.
4. Eat every 2 1/2 to 3 hours
5. Allow myself 1 day a week for a "cheat meal", and a "cheat snack".
6. Stay away from sugar that isn't already in the foods and drinks I consume
7. Cut out soda and replace with Crystal Light(I've done it before)
8. Minimize carbs like pasta and bread. Replace those with whole wheat alternatives.
(more to come as I progress)

Biceps-16"
Chest-48"
Waist-41"
Hips-53"
Calf-18"

BEFORE

AFTER
(This was taken the morning of the show, 8 months later. I tanned, got airbrushed and used a special bodypaint to look like that. I'm usually Whitey McWhite, as evidence by the before shot, LOL!)

How well do you know me? Quiz

Fri, 23 Feb 2007 00:45:08 GMT

http://www.truefriendtest.com/friendtest/65007

Create your own Friend Test here

Stolen from Angie!

Mon, 19 Feb 2007 15:57:46 GMT

I was bored, and this was fun. :)

You scored as Gangrel. You belong to the Gangrel bloodline. Gangrel are very in touch with nature and for this reason are often loners and hermits. They have a very keen sense of the beast inside them and can let it out with devastating results. They do, however, have a bit less control over their impulsive, animalistic nature and are easy to drive into an uncontrollable frenzy.

</td>

Gangrel

71%

Nosferatu

63%

Tremere

54%

Brujah

54%

Toreador

46%

Malkavian

42%

Ventrue

33%

What vampire clan do you belong to?
created with QuizFarm.com

Argh...

Fri, 09 Feb 2007 20:35:46 GMT

I've been looking for a job for the last month to no avail.....

Today I called the place that was going to set up an interview for me, at a pretty sweet job on the north side. Much to my surprise, I was told that not only had that position been filled yesterday(we'd talked 3 days ago), but that one of my reviews came back.......bad.

Bad? That boggles my mind.

So now I'm utterly frusterated and exhausted from doing my darndest to find a job here, and even more saddened by the very real fact that I may not get to go to a couple of Cons I'd wanted to go to. It really frusterated me that the guy at the employment agency didn't call me back , and even more so with telling me about a job before they'd made sure I'd cleared.

I called one of my two references, the one that I thought I'd get a good review from...and guess what? They were never contacted!!! This further boggles my mind, because I was told by the employment agency earlier in the week that they'd received one of two reviews, and it was good? WTF?!? i only listed two places as former employers...

Ah well.

I'll take the rest of the day to be frusterated/sad about this, and try to have fun this weekend. Then when Monday comes around, go back to the grindstone of looking.